I’m Not Broken: A Poem

This has been a rough month for me. Confronting old traumas and doing the hard work of healing is exhausting. It’s good work, but it’s hard AF.

As I’ve been letting myself sit with hard realizations and hard feelings, the words, “I’m not broken” have kept popping into my head repeatedly. It’s given me some pause. It’s made me ponder how I view myself in the midst of all of this.

Am I irredeemably broken, like I feel sometimes? Am I doomed to a lifetime of pain and being stuck? Or am I just a human being that is going through a storm and I will survive and be stronger for it?

It’s so easy for those of us who have lived through abuse and trauma to come out the other side feeling not-so-whole. There are pieces of our souls that have been forever changed. We’re chipped. We’re damaged. We’re hurting. We feel so completely broken in every which way.

But those feelings can lie to us about who we are.

This poem arose out of all of that dust.

I’m Not Broken

Sitting in the dark
Tear-stained cheeks
I don’t know how I’ll survive the night
I feel so weak
So powerless and bruised
But I know that I’m not broken
I know I’ll make it through

Slowly rising to my feet
There’s strength in my bones I didn’t know I had
I don’t know how I survived this far
I feel so alone
So afraid and so fragile
But I know that I’m not broken
I know I’ll make it through

Walking forward
I see the light ahead
I don’t know how I’m doing this
I feel so unsure of the next step
So anxious and so wary
But I know that I’m not broken
I know I’ll make it through

Opening the door
Walking out into the world
A new life is waiting for me
I can feel it
I don’t know where my path will lead
I feel so brave and a coward all at once
So curious and so on guard about tomorrow
But I know that I’m not broken
I will be okay

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